Sneaking up

Jim and Brad, 2011

Jim and Brad, 2011

Ugghhh.  What a night.

It was one of those that sneak up on you.  Sometimes the chaos blindsides you.

I don’t want to get into minute details about the frustrations of finding out Brad and his friend got treats from the ice cream truck:  it was a debate between Brad and Jim on whether or not Brad asked first.  Who should I believe? I was at work and had no idea who to believe but it saddens me to realize I was leaning towards Brad.

Then Jim was having an off night; forgetting conversations and various frustrating trials throughout the evening.

I went for a jog with Frances and then a bike ride with Brad to try to put some distance between myself and anything that would cause me to lose my temper, which I am not pleased to say still happened.

The worst part was going to tell Brad good night after he was in bed. I could tell he had been crying. So I prodded.  He told me. He was crying because of D-A-D. I had to catch myself. This little energizer bunny had a huge smile on his face as he was telling me he was just crying in bed because his Dad is going to D-E-I-D. He was so uncomfortable talking about it, he was trying to smile and joke as he was telling me.

Dear Lord. Then he dropped the bomb. He told me he cries every night.

How did I not know this?

What do you say to your nine year old when their Dad is dying, but not tomorrow or the next week or next month or next year?  Wait.  That could be any of us.  My Dad is 72 and has a greater chance of dying before Jim does. But my Dad seems so healthy and doesn’t have a disease (as Brad said tonight) that we know of. Jim seems to be slipping away from us one split molecule at a time. Research and articles don’t give you a time frame for Alzheimer’s Disease, anywhere from 5 – 10 – 15 years.  Each case is different. Some say Early Onset is more aggressive and quicker.  Some say that isn’t true.

I get so wrapped up in day to day life. Worrying about bills and work and keeping up the house and keeping up with schedules. I sometimes forget that the kids are aware of what is happening and it really bothers them.  They don’t just come out and talk about it. It sneaks up on you.

Jim fixes their breakfasts.  He fixes their lunches. He takes Brad to school. He picks him up from school. He stays after to let him play with his friends. Jim plays ball with both kids.  Jim takes them to practice and lessons and helps them clean their rooms and plays games and puts puzzles together and helps with Brad’s baseball team and goes to Cub Scouts with him. He basically does everything a stay at home parent normally does. He is always there with them.

It must be terrifying for the kids to think of him not being there one day. We all know this is coming someday with our parents. But we usually think we have a long time. Do we? None of us know. But then we do, but we don’t. I’m confused, I can’t imagine how a 12 and 9 year old can deal with the concept. I need to work on this.  Along with everything else on my list.

I need something positive to sneak up on us.  It doesn’t always have to be something negative, right?OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

posted by Karen in Uncategorized and have Comment (1)

One Response to “Sneaking up”

  1. Mary says:

    It is heart wrenching trying to protect our children’s hearts and minds as they watch their father slowly deteriorate. And your children are so young! My youngest has been dealing with his father’s gradual decline for the last 6 years (he will be heading off to college in the fall). Though this is a tragedy for your family, God uses all things to good for those who love Him. Your children will see your love for your husband and will learn what marriage vows really mean. You will be their role model for “agape” love – that same self-sacrificial love God gives us. You will be able to assure them that just as God has provided your husband with a wife and children who love him through his illness, so God will always provide for them. Children are more resilient than we give them credit for. On difficult days for my son, I would remind myself – what doesn’t kill him will only make him stronger. I hope you can allay your son’s fears so that he can sleep easy. I’m praying for your family.

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