I Got a Feeling

 

EarlyAlzheimers_7

Jim and Brad August 2012

Do you know that feeling of waking up in the morning, realizing you are starting a new day, coming out of your slumber and it hits you?   You remember; you made an ass out of yourself the night before at a party; you broke up with your girlfriend or boyfriend; you and your spouse got into a HUGE argument; someone you care about has passed away; your child is sick; you are months behind on your mortgage payment. Whatever it is that gives you that dropping gut check feeling once you remember.

That happened today. Actually, that feeling is with me just about 24/7.

Every time Jim shows signs of declining, I get that unmistakable sinking feeling.

Today the news mistakenly announced that someone had been arrested for the bombing in Boston. Against my better judgment, I told Jim, “They have arrested someone.”

“For what.”

“What do you think?”

“I don’t know.”

“For the bombing.”

Blank stare. I know I just shouldn’t have said anything.

“Do you have any idea what I am referring to?”

“Not really.”

“Boston?”

Nothing.

“The marathon?”

“Yeah, I think I might have an idea. I think I might have heard something about that. I don’t watch much news.”

We had discussed it for the past two days. Remember? My parents were there and it has been everywhere.

I love Jim. I love him so very much. But I carry this sinking, gut wrenching feeling around with me permanently now and it sometimes makes that love seem so far away and long ago and hard. Hard to feel. Hard to remember. Hard to show.

I often wonder if Jim feels this too. I have asked him, but most of the time it doesn’t seem to phase him. I think it does.

I am still heartbroken for those that are struggling to overcome what happened in Boston. I hope the tormented feeling they are waking up to will subside in time.

posted by Karen in Early Signs of Alzheimer's,Early Stages of Alzheimer's Disease,Uncategorized,Younger Onset Alzheimer's Disease and have No Comments

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