Two down….


Bike ride break overlooking the wild ponies. May 2013.

Bike ride break overlooking the wild ponies. May 2013.

We can mark #5 off  Jim’s bucket list. This past weekend we drove to Chincoteague and spent the night in one of our favorite places. We were able to get some bike rides in between the rain showers; even making it over to the beach.  We did skip our usual picnic lunch there this time due to the wind and chill in the air.

Yes, another bucket list item is done. I am trying to be happy about it, but just having to do the bucket list in the first place just really sucks.

We started going to Chincoteague every Mother’s Day when Brad was just a year old. Last year we missed going due to financial constraints and scheduling. This year Jim added it to his bucket list so we went the weekend after Mother’s Day.

What a great time we had just hanging out as a family. Seeing nature (we were able to see 3 elusive Delmarva Bushy Tail Squirrels in one ride), seeing the ponies, eating some great food and of course piddling through the stores.

A wonderful family owned inn.

A wonderful family owned inn.

For the past 6 times we have visited Chincoteague, we have stayed at the Refuge Inn. Love this place. Indoor pool, close to Assateague National Wildlife Refuge, great breakfast (free), awesome gift shop (knocked out some teachers’ gifts) and a corral of Chincoteague ponies on the property. We could see them from our room. They were kind enough to give us our bike rentals free!  Talk about awesome! Thank you Refuge Inn for helping our family make great memories again.

My second favorite store.

My second most favorite store in town.

Right across from the delicious bakery on Main Street is a really cute store that has lots of glass items and really unique stuff. We love browsing in this shop. The owners are really nice and usually remember us. A few years back I bought one of my favorite past purchases; a glass seahorse. I loved this seahorse. Every time I looked at it hanging over my kitchen sink it reminded me of our times in Chincoteague and it just gave me a nice fuzzy feeling. About 8 months ago, I was doing the dishes and realized the seahorse was gone. I asked Jim and he informed me he had broken it. I am not a materialistic person, but I was really upset this seahorse had been broken and no one had even thought to tell me. (actually this has happened quite a few times) It was something that has really been one of those things that bothers me more than it should. In the whole scheme of life and the whole scheme of my life, that glass seahorse was really not very important. But it was something that was special to me.

My new seahorse to go with my new normal.

My new seahorse to go with my new normal.

We made sure to make a beeline for the store and found the glass seahorses. They didn’t have the same exact one (they are handmade) but I found another that was just as nice.

It is back over my kitchen sink. I have faith that this one will last. The only problem is now when I look at this one, it reminds me of the other one and how upset I was and how I shouldn’t have been upset with Jim.

Why on God’s green earth can’t I just let it go? I have a NEW one. For all the tea in China, you would think that I could be happy with a perfectly good new one without trying to bring all that baggage from the broken one into the picture over and over.  I see this and realize I have to LET IT GO!!! Let it go and accept my new seahorse. Maybe I can convert it from being a reminder of  getting upset with Jim when I shouldn’t have, to a reminder of how special my life is and how I need to just let some things go.

Yes, I am sometimes human. I am not perfect. I expect too much of myself. I call this blog Confessions of an Alzheimer’s Wife for a reason. Because these thoughts, feelings and secrets are confessions to educate those of you NOT going through this less than desirable path of Alzheimer’s. And for those of you that are traveling this bumpy road, I write so you will understand you are not alone. You have many others that are thinking the same things as you, even though you aren’t allowed to say them out loud. Ok, maybe you can say them in your support group. I hope you are going to a support group and I hope you say those things out loud that you keep inside on a nightly basis. It feels good to let it out sometimes.

My most favorite store!

My most favorite store!

I love my life 90% of the time. I think that is pretty damn good. I have fantastic kids, I have a husband that is really amazing in the face of some pretty shitty circumstances. I mean, I got to go with these amazing people I share my life with,  that I adore, to a magical place that holds tremendous memories for us.

We are better off  than many other people. That is something to smile and be happy about. We are together. Our kids love us and each other and are happy. We have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to embrace and be joyous about.

Sometimes it is hard to see these things. We sometimes have to search really hard. When you look at what you have instead of what you don’t have or perhaps what you won’t have in the future, you can keep your happy with you.

Keep your happy. Let it shine, but don’t let it fly away.

Frances riding on Assateague.

Frances riding on Assateague.

posted by Karen in Early Signs of Alzheimer's,Early Stages of Alzheimer's Disease,Uncategorized,Younger Onset Alzheimer's Disease and have Comments (4)

4 Responses to “Two down….”

  1. Joe Flanagan says:

    Another insightful piece. From the heart with a heavy dose of courage. You write. We read. Excellent. Give Jim my best.

  2. Mary says:

    Thought about your seahorses and how upset you were about it . Got me to thinking about a similar situation that happened to me. It’s not just a seahorsegetting broken but how our lives are affected by this disease. Things just aren’t the same. So thankful for the the years we have had together and the time we have left but pieces of those lives we once had had are breaking away from us piece by piece. Glad you had a good weekend.

  3. Sharon Huber says:

    Karen, be kind to yourself and realize you will not always respond in the way you wish you did to life’s broken sea horses. I have walked this journey for close to 16 years and I still wish I had responded less to the little things that dementia brings. But I did the best I could and so will you.

  4. Lee Ann says:

    Just like in my yesterday comment, that you can certainly be going through the anger stage because you just didn’t pick this dream. your dream life was to live well and happy, until you both fall over at 95. When the seahorse was broken, it was another, “Well, there’s another thing that gets ruined.” I can certainly understand. None of us has a halo. Until we finally get to accepting , there will be these up and down moments. As if it ever completely goes away. but acceptance will make it much easier.

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