It’s coming….

04.17.13-Mother-Teresa-quotes-the-greatest-good

I don’t love Jim anymore than millions of other people love their spouses. When I say this, I mean it in a way that conveys understanding that others love just as I do. As we do.  Sometimes I find myself wondering what my life would be like if I hadn’t met Jim. If I hadn’t been forced to deal with Alzheimer’s Disease and become so involved in helping others.

When I try to envision a life without Jim, without our children and now, without being immersed in all things Alzheimer’s, I am left with a blank mind. I am unable to see my world without Jim, without Frances and Brad and now, without the friends, colleagues and support I have found through my Alzheimer’s world.

I have been blessed recently. I have been blessed with dinners, gift certificates, financial support, help around our home, notes of encouragement and with renewed energy to make a difference.

As I accept all of these blessings, I do so with a bit of guilt. Why? Because I don’t feel like I deserve anything. I know there are so many others going down this same path who are on their last rung, last bit of rope and they are struggling just as I am to hold on. Who is to say I deserve help more than they do because I speak out? Because I get an article in the paper and I have a blog and I have friends and family that come to my rescue daily?

I am only one of MILLIONS of people in this world travelling this downtrodden path. I have chosen to speak out and share because I can. Because MY personality lends itself to be able to. Why should someone who is more private or more soft-spoken or just plain shy not reap the same benefits I do?

There is survivor’s guilt (which I already have even though Jim is still very much here) and then there is spokesperson guilt. Who knew this even existed?

My question to myself is What am I going to do about it? I have a plan. I am going to help others. A LOT of others. But, I have to get my ducks in a row and figure everything out. If I can do this, not only will I help myself, I will be able to help so many others it isn’t even funny.

Give me a little bit of time. Give me some patience and some support. I have a desire and there is a need. We will work together to get this started and then get this done.

posted by Karen in Early Signs of Alzheimer's,Early Stages of Alzheimer's Disease,Uncategorized,Younger Onset Alzheimer's Disease and have Comments (6)